A Reminder for Faith

Wow. God is amazing.

We have had our ups and downs with infertility. With me, mostly downs. I would like to say I kept my faith through it all, but I didn't. I hit so many bottoms I never saw a way out. I screamed and cursed and cried out to God "Why us?!" Why would a loving God give children to so many people that never wanted them, but deny us - who ached for a child. Even after finally succeeding and being blessed with Garrett, I still never wrapped my head around it.

Until this past week. The Sunday sermon was geared toward high school graduates. God is in control. Good or bad, whatever comes our way has nothing to do with us, only with Him. What?! God does not bless us because of anything we have done? All our blessings are for HIS glory. We have all we owe to Him. I've heard that part before and always associated it with the good in life. But infertility? Not being allowed to have children? - but ALL is for his glory. The sermon ended with all we owe him and should praise God for- "Your graduation. Your career. Your family.... Your cancer. Your infertility. Your barrenness."

Then it hit me. God gave me all of my wonderful blessings. More than most will ever see But he also gave us infertility. For His glory. And why? Wow. I would never lump infertility into God's purpose, but it is there. I think I know why. But I need His grace to remember it as I carry this scar and it's damage the rest of my life. And to be able to help others suffering from this heartbrake.