A Reminder for Faith

Wow. God is amazing.

We have had our ups and downs with infertility. With me, mostly downs. I would like to say I kept my faith through it all, but I didn't. I hit so many bottoms I never saw a way out. I screamed and cursed and cried out to God "Why us?!" Why would a loving God give children to so many people that never wanted them, but deny us - who ached for a child. Even after finally succeeding and being blessed with Garrett, I still never wrapped my head around it.

Until this past week. The Sunday sermon was geared toward high school graduates. God is in control. Good or bad, whatever comes our way has nothing to do with us, only with Him. What?! God does not bless us because of anything we have done? All our blessings are for HIS glory. We have all we owe to Him. I've heard that part before and always associated it with the good in life. But infertility? Not being allowed to have children? - but ALL is for his glory. The sermon ended with all we owe him and should praise God for- "Your graduation. Your career. Your family.... Your cancer. Your infertility. Your barrenness."

Then it hit me. God gave me all of my wonderful blessings. More than most will ever see But he also gave us infertility. For His glory. And why? Wow. I would never lump infertility into God's purpose, but it is there. I think I know why. But I need His grace to remember it as I carry this scar and it's damage the rest of my life. And to be able to help others suffering from this heartbrake.

Garrett at 4 Months

Ok, I am a pretty bad blogger! I've gotten an iPhone app, so hopefully it will help keep me up to date! Garrett us turning 4 months on Thursday! Time has flown by. I am wanting to keep an update of his milestones for if I ever get around to a baby book!

He is 14lb 8oz and 24.5 inches long! He'll eat about 6 ounces 5-6 times a day, still formula only. He is a crazy thumb sucker (just like his mama :). He'll put his left hand thumb in his mouth and rub his head with his right hand. No rolling over yet, but because he resist all tummy time with a fiery passion. As soon as he's on his back it's happy time. We keep thinking he'll get mad enough to role over at some pout ;-)

Poor baby is still in his brace. We go back July 1st for the 3 month check up with this nighttime brace (doesn't include the 8 weeks in the first brace.) hopefully we will get it off them with no more issues!

He can hold his head really steady and just looks around and watches everything. He laughs and smiles all the time at us and is generally a very happy baby. He wakes up grinning in the morning and goes to bed easily at night. He sleeps from about 8:00 until 5:00 each night and has been since around 2 months. He is spoiling us with what a happy baby he is! Randy and I can sit and watch his faces for hours, it never gets old...

Love

Was it all worth it? I think back on everything we went through. The years of trying, heartache, finanicial, failure. The joy of the pregnancy followed by the loss of his twin. The past 3 years have been a rollercoaster. And i would do it all and so much more just to see his smile.

His unbridled joy on his face when we wake him up each morning. Everytime I pick him up from daycare he grins from ear to ear. I just can't imagine loving him more if I tried. Thank you Lord
for all we experienced. It makes me appreciate even more what we have.

National Infertility Awareness Week: Mythbusters

This year for National Infertility Awareness Week they are encouraging all us infertiles to help bust an infertility myth.  My favorite one that needs to be blown to smithereens –

 

“It can’t be that bad, it could always be worse.”

 

Now I don’t know for sure if this qualifies as a myth, but it’s something we do hear and something EXTREMELY painful each time we hear it.  It could be worse is opinion, not fact.  It is from the eye of the beholder and an infertile has eyes that see the world much differently.  After our diagnosis, I felt like I could suddenly see things I never had before.  Everything you encounter on a daily basis reminds you of what you may never have – the families, the babies, a song, an invitation, television, advertisements, water cooler chitchat, family gatherings, church – well, basically anything, anytime, anywhere you go. 

 

Women don’t compartmentalize issues like men.  Everything we worry about will tend to bleed into our everyday lives.  The daily reminders of children never left my thoughts.  With every check up, attempt and failure, my thoughts remained focused on this goal whether I was in church or a project meeting.  I tried to leave it at home, but I was devastated.  And as the depression grew, I would receive this comment.  I started thinking, could it?

 

The answer was no.  I wanted to be a mom, to have our child.  To wake Randy up one morning with that positive pregnancy test after being a few days late.  I was grieving the loss of my dream.  The loss of ever having a child naturally, only with painful medical intervention.  The loss of my ability as a wife to do something seen as essential to my womanhood.  The loss of knowing whether or not it would ever be more than just us two.  But this grief had no closure such as when a loved one dies.  Each month you hope, you try again (possibly with thousands of dollars and lots of needles) and you wait.  When the cycle begins again you cry because the process starts over again.  It feels being on a rollercoaster of hope and despair that replays monthly.  I remember our first IUI I was so hopeful (and a little naïve) that it would work.  I remember sitting with my in-laws in Sunday School and I felt my cycle start.  I’ve never been so devastated and fought so hard not to cry (which I don’t think worked well at all!)  And all around me are families with beautiful children and events that I’m having to attend trying to be happy for them while devastated for us.  Life continued while it felt like we were left behind.  I avoided church with a preacher who had 9 children.  I avoided events with pregnant women or babies.  The one baby shower I worked up all my courage to attend because she was a close friend – I cried for 30 minutes in the bathroom on my husband’s shoulder.  And even worse, there are mothers who could not care less about their children while I’m screaming at God “WHY THEM?? And not me?..” And every day, there was no end in sight.  How long would this continue? Would we ever heal?

 

For us, it was 2.5 years before we did get pregnant and I consider that a blessing it didn’t go longer.  But that doesn’t change the severity of the time.  It will always be one of the most devastating periods in my life and will continue when it’s time for child number 2 – more test, needles, and money while we wait to see if the embryo takes.  Remember that “it could always be worse” is a perspective and that no one can relate who hasn’t been through infertility.  For a couple who has always wanted and prepared for children – infertility is the worst thing that could happen to them.  Remember to not trivialize it. 

 

 

Garrett Has Arrived! Part 2

They now had brought out the wheelchair to wheel me to admissions. About this time I thought, hmm, time to call work! I called Karen Williams and simply stated - "Uh, I am not going to make it in to work today, I am having a baby at 1:30! Tell the guys!". Needless to say, they didn't believe her at first. They are so used to tricking me and having me fall for everything, I think they thought they I was trying to get them back! If only that was it :-).

They then brought me to a labor/delivery prep room to get me good and liquid full for the epidural. At this point I am in full freak out mode and have yet to receive any happy drugs. I am calling my parents trying to make sure they were going to make it with my camcorder. I had my camera on me, but that was it! My mom was bringing the camcorder so we could start filming as soon as he arrived (no filming of the gore). Luckily they did! Within 45 minutes of arriving in the room and being pumped full of fluid, I was being wheeled to delivery! At this point, things get hazy. The happy drugs had arrived! I remember meeting up with Dr. Lee in the hall, the pinch of the epidural, the call to begin because my blood pressure was dropping. This was because fear had set in - I was about to be cut open while awake and become a mother! My day had not been prepped for this - planning lunch was all I'd thought about!

As it began, I could see some reflection in the light. Liquid red, not pleasant! Then Dr. Lee said ok, here he comes! I felt the pressure of the last 4 months on my ribs release and a few seconds later I heard him cry. It was incredible. The next 20 minutes were screaming, cleaning, Randy holding Garrett with my mom filming while I was being put back together. My first chance to hold him I was trying not to drop him due to the drugs. (I don't handle pain meds well, I get so sick!). The rest of the day is a blur - he was sent to NICU due to underdeveloped lungs, visitors came and went and the morphine kept me from remembering much!

Garrett Has Arrived! Part I

Wow, just wow.  That is really all I can say about the past half week.  It has been a whirlwind of emotions - shock, joy, excitement, anguish, terror - everything!  I wanted to share the full story of what happened instead of bits and pieces to people when I speak to them.  So here goes!

I had a routine doctor's appointment scheduled for Wednesday, February 9.  I had already begun my weekly OB appointments, and this one included an ultrasound.  At the last maternal fetal specialist appointment, we were concerned over weight and location, so this ultrasound was just to make sure he wasn't too small and to check his location (breech or not.)  Randy had to go to Port Barre for work, but he was going to attend the last ultrasound with me just to get to see it one last time before Garrett was born.  We went back at about 10:45 and began the ultrasound.  As soon as she put the wand on the top of my belly near my ribs, there his head still was!  He was still breech with his head in my left ribs.  We hoped he had switched, but apparently he was content where he was.  My first thought was 'well, looks like we'll be scheduling a c-section today.'  I knew when I went to Dr. Lee we would go ahead and schedule the section for the 39th week because he was very unlikely to turn at this point.  Her next evaluation was his size - around 6 lbs so that was great!  Even better when she began her next evaluation.  She began to measure the pockets of fluid and started making worried sounds.  Those hmm, let me check this kind of sounds.  She then asked if I had been leaking amniotic fluid.  I had no idea if I had, or even if I could have known.  At this point I am just trying to not wet myself every time I sneeze!  She said that my amniotic fluid was below a 5 so most likely I was having a baby today. I might have blacked out for a small minute, can't remember because at this point time seemed to speed up.  She left to call the doctor and about all I could get out to Randy was "Well, I'm glad you came with me today!" and "I'm not ready to be cut open!"  I thought we would be scheduling a c-section today with Dr. Lee, not scheduling the c-section FOR today!  She called Dr. Lee and then sent us up to see her right then - did not even finish the rest of the ultrasound.  My legs were a little wobbly as I headed to the elevator.


We went into the waiting room area for Dr. Lee after giving the nurse our paperwork.  Normally my waits have been less than 5 minutes before a nurse has me, then less than another 5 minutes before seeing Dr. Lee.  Today was the OPPOSITE.  It was about 15 minutes before getting called back and another 10 before seeing Dr. Lee.  This entire time I am about to lose it because I'd had not prepared at all for this!  I was only 36 weeks 4 days and didn't even have my suitcase finished packing!  His clothes were in a hamper waiting to be washed, my video camera was at home!  These thoughts kept running through my head as this sweet old lady decided she wanted to talk and talk and talk to me.  Maybe I had that deer in the headlights look and she was trying to talk me back from the ledge.  :)  When Dr. Lee came into the room, the first words out of her mouth were "It looks like we get to meet that baby boy today!"  Insert heart rate acceleration here.  My fluid had dropped below a 5 (it was 3.8) so it was at dangerous levels so it was a must deliver now situation.  After thinking back on it now, God must have decided I really was a weenie and couldn't handle pain, so he gave me the quickest most worry free way of delivering - an immediate unplanned c-section.  It was around 11:30 and the doctor was scheduling my c-section for 1:30.  Let the panic begin...

Infertility Survivors Guilt

Infertility survivors guilt.  Sounds a little ridiculous doesn't it?  I've come to learn it's something every pregnant infertile feels, but never wanted to write about it just in case I jinxed myself.  We are now starting week 35 and Garrett will be here before we know it, but I still can't help but feel the guilt.


Infertility is such an isolating experience.  No matter how much you love your family and friends, they can't completely relate.  If they themselves haven't experience infertility, they haven't experienced the pain. They haven't experienced the torrent of emotions - shock, anger, grief, bitterness, jealousy, hopelessness, heartbreak... shall I go on?  I tried so many times to pull myself out the hurt and just go back to the way things were before, but I couldn't.  I found my solace with other infertiles - women in person or online who were suffering the same pain and heartbreak I was.  They would understand when I complained about an unexpected pregnancy and they wouldn't judge when I purposely excluded myself from holiday celebrations.  These women knew what it was like to cry in the bathroom at a baby shower, to lose it in public when you started your period once again... and to have your husband roll over in bed to comfort you after you wake up in the middle of the night crying because your IVF cycle failed.  One thing we all shared was a secret hatred for any pregnant woman we ran across - and secretly tried to convince ourselves that our life was so much better than hers.  So what happens when we finally join the other team?


One big example of this guilt comes every time I visit my OBGYN.  Our physicians tower is set up where there are OB's covering the 4th and 5th floors of a 6th floor building.  The infertility specialist is on the 6th floor.  I remember visiting him so many times and riding the elevator with giant bellies and hating every one of them.  They always got off by the 5th floor and I had to continue onto the 6th.  When I started showing I wanted to leave the elevator at the 5th floor and yell back to any woman still going up - but I'm not one of them!!  I'm still an infertile!! 


And I know other infertiles are happy for me - I was happy when another woman FINALLY got the prize we were all seeking!  I was always truly happy for them because it reminded me that maybe there was light at the end of my tunnel also.  I still identify as an infertile - after Garrett is born there will never be a surprise little brother or sister.  There will be more needles and hormones and invasive procedures as they unfreeze one of our precious babies to transfer.  But I still have the guilt that I made it out at least once.  Am I crazy? Or is this normal in the infertility world?

Around the Country Shower - Jackson, MS

Hey guys, it's Around the Country shower update time!  I need to write a separate post soon on what all has been going on.  We are about to hit the end of the 2nd trimester, so we have quite a bit to update.  


I am trying not to be too slow in posting these, but it does get hectic!  This post is coming to you all from Jackson, MS from Laura and David Burt!  They sent us the cute hooded baby towels (that match Holly and Alex's baby wash cloths), a safety outlet cover/cord shortener, safety tweezers/clippers, the snot sucker (it may have a formal name, but I know it as the thing every baby needs but HATES!!) and of course MISSISSIPPI STATE SOCKS!!  They are so tiny and adorable, and he will definitely be wearing them home from the hospital.  We have to let everyone here in Baton Rouge know where his allegiance lies!  We'll need to get him a cute little Mississippi State cap to match it.  :)


Thank you so much David and Laura!  We appreciate you guys thinking of us now, we are feeling very loved.  You guys are all fantastic.  I am attaching a super cute picture of them from our rehearsal dinner.  :)  It's amazing at how time flies!

Around the Country Baby Shower - Lake Jackson, TX

Happy early Thanksgiving everyone!  We are at home, cleaning and getting ready for holiday travel tomorrow to Mississippi. We are going to Natchez and Fayette to visit Randy's family for lunch/dinner.  Then we will head back to Baton Rouge and spend the long weekend just us - laying wood, tiling the mantel, and of course watching football!!


We also have a new entry for our baby shower - from Lake Jackson, TX.  The gift is from Lauren and Thomas Welch!  They gave baby Graves (Preston, maybe? We are still thinking!) some great baby books.  The Very Hungry Caterpillar has always been one of my favorites, and one I love to give to others expecting babies.  They also gave us 2 Dr. Seuss books, There's a Wocket in my Pocket and just in time for Christmas - How the Grinch Stole Christmas!  Thank you guys both so much!!

Around the Country Shower - Huntsville, AL

Hey guys!  We have another shower update!  This time the gift is coming from Huntsville, AL.  It is actually a little ironic being that the area is actually my hometown!  Oh how I miss it!  Baby Graves (because yes, still no name) received a really cute little boy bib set race cars.  My dad was definitely a fan of this one.  We also got the cutest little set of baby wash cloths, with turtles, duckies and caterpillars.  

I am the giant woman behind the cute baby stuff!!  Anyone else notice how small I am making that Christmas Tree look?  I am going to be outrageously huge before this is finished!  And here is the sweet couple that sent the gift!

Thank you so much to the Allens!!  

Around the Country Baby Shower

     I have awesome friends!  But one bad thing about it is they are all pretty much in every state in the Southeast.  They decided to get together and have an "across the country" baby shower.  During a selected week or so, someone is mailing me a gift and will either mail or email me a photo of themselves.  The photo will be of them giving me the gift.  I in turn will open the gift and take a photo of my opening the gift like you would do if you were actually at a baby shower.  This was so original!  And of course, when I heard about it I cried, lovely pregnancy hormones!  So I got our first gift this week!...

     This is the gift we received from Darcy and Daren Keel!  It is a super cute diaper bag and a pacifier pod.  The pacifier pod is something I can hook on to my purse so I always have a separate clean place for the pacifiers.  The things you have to think about with a baby, huh?  I guess that's why they say life changes drastically!!  I will admit to something though - we received it yesterday but I had no plans so it was a no make-up air dry my hair kind of day.  So I waited until church this morning to take the photo - had to look at least a little better!!  Thank you guys so much, I love it!
 

I've Been a Slacker!

Ok guys, sorry for not updating!  After losing the twin, I think I just wanted to wait until it was more concrete and out of the first trimester.  Well a lot has happened!  We are now 21 weeks along, and found out October 19th that it's a boy!  I will admit, I was a little disappointed (I really wanted the girl!)  But I am excited now and we are thinking of names!  The bump has really grown, there is no hiding it now.  People who see me ask when I'm due without knowing ahead of time I am pregnant.  It's exciting that the world can now see what is making us so happy.  The old ladies touching the belly is slightly weird though, I'll admit I am not used to that.  I like my personal space, so strangers touching your belly out of the blue takes me by surprise!

We started getting to work on the nursery once we found out what we were having.  In one weekend, I bought the crib / changing table, registered at Babies R Us, picked out and bought the bedding, and started laying the hardwood floors.  Picking out the bedding was a hard choice, because little boy stuff just isn't as cute as little girl stuff!  But we chose a red white and blue little aviator theme - patriotic airplanes, so fits his daddy!  And we'll paint clouds on our sky blue walls and Randy will even make a few model airplanes to hang.  It's getting so exciting.  Our next doctor's appointment is November 16th for the 24 week appointment.  
 
As far as how I am feeling, I am about 120% better!  The morning sickness is gone, I'm not very tired, and I just feel normal.  The only thing plaguing me is heartburn, and it's torture!  I have discovered I can take Zantac, but I think my body is finding a way to get around that.  I had some heartburn before getting pregnant, so I'm getting used to it.  We also get another ultrasound at the 24 week appointment so they can see some extra detail.  Here is a photo of him at 20 weeks - it's a back view and you can see his spine in detail, very neat!

9 Weeks

We have hit 9 weeks!  I want to try and write a blog each Friday, but I'm late usually!  I went to the doctor this last Friday, but Randy was out of town so my mom brought me.  They wouldn't let me go alone since I am still not supposed to be driving.  And they are strictly watching what all I do!  During the ultrasound, we got a perfect view of the baby.  As you can see, you can clearly see the baby from a side view, and even the umbilical chord!  I even saw the heartbeat finally.  And the most amazing thing, during the ultrasound the baby started to kick and wiggle.  It was incredible.  Randy hated to miss it. The blood clot is still there.  You can see it in the bottom right of the photo.  The doctor wanted me to keep taking it easy, but to have limited activity.  He was weary about me returning to work as far as I drive, so we decided that this little life is way more important than risking it.  I go back this Friday, so we are praying that we'll reach that point where the baby is that much bigger than the clot.  The doctor doesn't seemed worried, so that helps ease our nerves! On to the baby...

The baby is now an inch long!  It's amazing at how soon it goes from microscopic to now.  It is about the size of a grape.  All the essential body parts are there, even if tiny.  His teeth are starting to form, and the heart now has four chambers.  The eyes are formed, but the eyelids remain shut until about 27 weeks.  The sex organs are forming, but won't be distinguishable for a while!  The best part is the placenta is just about fully developed (between 9 and 10 weeks) and should take over hormone production soon.  Thank heavens!

If anyone is wondering why I use "he" - I just have a feeling!  I just know it's going to be a little boy :)  We'll find out in about 11 weeks!  Also, the doctor took me off estrogen patches and I had nausea relief for about 2 days.  I didn't get sick at all, it was fantastic.  And yesterday, my body caught back up to the missing estrogen.  So still nauseous - had my hopes up too soon!  I'll give another update this coming Friday.

Everyone keep praying!

Long Overdue!

The head is to the right of the arm/leg buds

Ok, so I have been REALLY bad at writing.  So much has happened since that positive, I just haven't had time.  Things have been a roller coaster since then.  First we found out it was twins at 5w4d.  We were super excited, but super scared.  Then at 6w6d I developed a massive blood clot and lost one of the babies.  It was a horrifying and painful experience.  The silver lining was the other baby was ok, but I had to stay bed rested until the clot cleared itself up.  So, I am now 8w3d and still on bed rest until this Friday when I'll be 9 weeks.  So now that our roller coaster has been told, time for the good stuff...


I am SOOO nauseous!  It started at 5w5d and hasn't let up since then.  I was hoping I'd inherit the gracious good luck of my mother and not be nauseous at all during pregnancy.  Instead, I think God let it skip a generation, and let her lack of nausea make up itself in me.  The doctor gave me a Rx for Zofran, which is fantastic.  It stopped the wake up in the morning till you go to bed sickness, but I'll still get sick at some point during the day.  I actually lost some weight the first couple of weeks due to not being able to eat much.  And I'm still limited on what I can eat, because certain smells trigger that run to the toilet feeling.  Randy and I even switched sides of the bed so I can be closer to the bathroom!  Good thing to, because I think my minimum bathroom runs at night is around 3-4 - so lack of sleep is also included!


I have a few more unsavory side effects that I won't describe!  But you can look up early preggo symptoms and get the gist!  So far, things are going well.  The baby is starting to look more baby like and less sea monsterish. He is about 3/4 of an inch long. The eyelids are forming, the nose is starting to form, and the ears are developing inside and out.  The heart has divided into chambers.  Elbows and knees have started to form and the arms and legs are growing longer!!  The fingers and toes are webbed, but beginning to take shape.  By week 10, we'll leave the embryonic phase and hit the fetus phase.  In the picture you can see the head is to the right, with the arm/leg buds to the left on the bottom.  It's amazing.  We are so excited!

It's POSITIVE

We had our beta yesterday and it was positive!!  A 128!  And as you can see from the picture the day before, I've been excited!  And pretty much too excited and busy to write this very important entry.  Randy and I are so happy, we have never reached this point.  We want the prayers to continue so we can make it past the first trimester.  

Our next step is another beta on Tuesday, 6/29.  They want the number to double every 2 days, or every 48-72 hours is ok.  They will do a couple of betas and then schedule an ultrasound around 7 weeks.  I am currently 4 weeks pregnant.  So lets pray that everything continues to go well!  

I would like to start writing about each week, where the baby is and what is happening with me, but I am afraid to jinx it!  I will say that the morning sickness has started!  The first 2 times it was when I was hungry and didn't eat quick enough.  But last night I was reading a wave of nausea hit me, I had to put the book down and lay down.  The fun has began!  I've never been so excited to get sick in my life!  

One more non-jinxing moment hopefully - the due date will be around March 3, 2011.  :)

Transfer Day

Well today was our FET transfer day!! The transfer went smoothly and ideal, so no problems there. They thawed the first straw, and only one made it :(. But they thawed the second straw and both made it! So we put back 3 perfect blastocysts! Here is a picture of 1 of the 3. Secretly I think I was hoping for 3, just to up my chances since the likelihood of triplets was low. I think I should be knocking on wood about right now? ;) Randy is a little nervous though, which is understandable! I just really hope this is it and we don't have to go through this again. I'm tired of needles, and strict schedules, and all around disappointment. I'm ready to be pregnant, so that I can move on to the freaking out because I'm pregnant and don't know what to do! I've been focused for over 2 years on the getting pregnant part - don't know much about what to do after! But at least on that end, I'll have people to talk to who have been on THAT part of the journey! So keep praying and cross all your fingers and toes!

Quick FET Update

The dates have changed slightly.  The FET will be pushed back by a day to Wednesday the 16th.  I went in for my ultrasound/blood work on Wednesday and my estrogen was a little low and the lining wasn't as thick as they would like it.  I'm trying not to worry, but they sounded surprised so it did scare me a little.  They gave me additional estrogen to take, so I really hope it works.  They didn't want to do another ultrasound/blood work before the ultrasound, which has me a little worried.  I might call on Monday and ask them about it.  The GOOD news is that the pregnancy test will stay the same, Friday the 26th.  With moving it back a day, 10 days later is on a Saturday, but they want me to still test on Friday.  So now instead of a 10 day wait, I have a 9 day wait.  A little ray of sunshine, right?  I started my daily Progesterone IM shots today, ouch - so it's a needle or more  day now.  And if it's positive, the progesterone continues for at least 3 additional weeks.  OUCH!  At least I'll be a happy-hormonal-morning-sick pin cushion!  Keep praying!!

To 1 or to 3

We went to the doctor today to discuss our options for the FET (frozen embryo transfer).  They will unfreeze 1 straw with 2 embryos, but not all the embryos always survive.  We had to decide if we wanted to stay with 1 or unfreeze another.  If another was unfrozen, and both survived, then we had 3 embryos.  We were torn on what to do, so we went to get the doctor's opinion!  My biggest fear is "what if all 3 take?"  I think I might die.  From lack of sleep.  And money.  And Randy might leave me.  :)  All those sound like bad options on my end.  But then we weigh the options - the first failed, so what are the chances that ALL 3 would take?  And I'd really rather not have to write another BFN next to my user signature on my fertility forum sight.  It's getting long, and a BFP would look so much better.  The doctor advised if it comes to that, to unthaw another straw and put back 3.  He said our odds of all taking are around 5%, and it would more likley be twins.  Which I can totally live with!  So if everything goes ok, our transfer will be June 15th, and the beta test on June 25th.  Keep praying!!

Babydust!!

Here We Go Again

We started shots again yesterday, 5/23.  We are on short protocol Ganirelix, and when this cycle starts about 5 days later I'll start my intramuscular shots again.  This time I have both Estrogen and Progesterone.  The tentative schedule is the transfer will be around June 15th, with the beta test 10 days later.  I do have a lot more to say, but not enough time to say it in.  I think this entire process is just wearing on me - I'm sick of needles!

Bad Day Turned Great

Today started out slightly miserably.  I decided to check Aetna and see if my medication for our next round of FET IVF (Frozen Embryo Transfer) had posted yet.  It had.  I expected it to be less than previous, because I needed no stimulants with this being a frozen cycle.  It was slightly less, but not much.  It was over double what I had been expecting!  After that initial shock, I then noticed the Estrogen Injection. Last time I was able to take a pill, but I am guessing due to the failure of the first IVF they have decided to up the ante.  So then I just lost it - I was emotionally terrified of doing this second round, now it was more injections with lots more money.  Something has to give!

I started looking closer and didn't see any location where the prescriptions were coming out of my flexible spending so I called Aetna.  I apparently have an out-of-pocket max on RX each year at $1000.  I have apparently met it, so all my prescriptions for the rest of the year are covered at 100%!!  So all of these fertility meds are free instead of 1200!!  Also with my plan, there is no cap on fertility drug coverage, and there usually is.  So instead of this round of FET costing around 1000+ it will be around 500 max!  How fantastic is that?  It just released some of the worry over the success of this next round.  If it fails again, it will be much easier to turn around, hold my head up and try again. 

Great day!!