The Next Step

The past few days have been hard.  It has been a time for Randy and I to look at everything and evaluate.  We have decided to take a break for a while.  We tried a year on our own with no success.  This was followed by 10 months of expensive and invasive tests, procedures, and in the end - failures.  We do have 12 frozen embryos, but my emotional bank account is empty.  It is actually in the red.  I need to go back to normal.  We need to go back to normal and be us.  Nearly two years of this would exhaust anyone.  I want to enjoy the spring - enjoy camping, canoeing, crawfish festivals, tubing, weddings, and just enjoy Randy.  To be a couple without this devestation always hanging around.  And we can replenish the savings account instead of constantly emptying it.  And hopefully even go back to Jamaica for our 3 year anniversary!  We had so much fun and it would be a good trip to get away.  If not there, we will definately do something to get away.  So maybe in June we will start back up.  By then we'll have a full bank account - emotional and financial.  Hopefully it will work the first time.  But if not, I'll be able to handle it.  If we had another failure in the next month or so, we couldn't handle it.  So look forward to a few months of more uplifting blogs - hopefully with lots of pictures from an enjoyable spring.  In the meantime - here is the first picture - our new puppy Hannah.  She is an 8 week old 11" beagle.  I chose Hannah for this reason -

Hannah was the childless woman how wasn't just sad, she was desperate for a child.  She lived for years in this desperation. 
8)And Elkanah, her husband, said to her, "Hannah, why do you weep? And why do you not eat? And why is your heart sad?(H) Am I not more to you than ten sons?"  9) After they had eaten and drunk in Shiloh, Hannah stood up. 
She had the strength to continue on.  In her pain and desperation for a child, she kept her faith.  She stood up when our legs feel broken.  She then cried out to the Lord in such an impassioned cry the priest thought she was drunk.  She prayed her heartache, her grief, her torture and gave her desire and burden to God.  And the best part?  He heard her cry and eventually answered her prayer. 

Hannah is my reminder that even when I feel that God isn't listening, He has plan for us and He does hear my cry.