Wow, Time Flies

For infertility to seem to take so long to reach the goal (a baby of course) it sure can change quickly on the journey! We spoke to our previous doctor (I know! I haven't updated in a while!) about what our options were. We discussed IVF, which we did not want to do. He discussed the process, and how natural selection works within women. He discussed Louisiana laws, where every embryo is treated as a life. And how every viable embryo would be used or frozen. By viable, it has to divide past a certain day. If it doesn't divide past that day, it would not have taken naturally without IVF. (I am trying to remember everything, it's been about 2 months!) One thing I didn't know, that even at my age now, with prime fertility, only 1 in 3 eggs are genetically viable for producing a baby. It is God's way of natural selection, keeping with the 20% of getting pregnant each month. OK, so long story short, my moral concerns were alleviated.

So what changed? I was still lost between decisions, with my heart broken. I wanted a clear cut answer, and we didn't seem to have one. One day, toward the end of September, I had one. And it hit me like a rock, eliminating all other options. I was on facebook one afternoon right before leaving work (not on my work computer! on my phone...) and I had a friend post pictures of her recent birth. Maggie McKelvey (I graduated from High School with her) had given birth mid-September and she put up the normal photos - the before at the hospital, the first photos of the baby, the pictures of her and her husband holding their blessing. And of course, her looking completely worn out from being in labor, but glowing with hapiness at holding their child.  And yes, of course, I lost it. I wanted that. I wanted to go into labor one day with our child. I wanted to look exhausted and glowing at the same time. I wanted to have our child, Randy's child, more than life itself. Seeing their joy as new parents seemed to have caused a realization.  We couldn't adopt, or use a donor. IVF was suddenly my only option. And for some reason, it was so clear at that point. If we were standing in a room full of doors, not knowing which to take, God opened one for us and let the light shine in, while locking the others. It felt wonderful.

So then what? Our current doctor at A Woman's Center for Reproductive Medicine was going to be around 15K for IVF because they didn't take my insurance (their lab didn't, it wasn't recognized by Aetna?). And I am in the top 1% of having inferitility coverage. So we looked into the Feritlity Institute of New Orleans. It is actually 4-5 times the size of the previous, we just had no reason to change at first. Well we visited on October 2nd, and THEY TAKE MY INSURANCE! So, long story short, it is only around 5k for us and we start in January! We wanted to wait until then just to save a little more, but also to use my Flexible Spending Account. So, we are here, we start IVF in January! I'll give more details on chances and all later, I just had to update everyone on our journey!

It's Been a While...

Apparently my last writing post was over a month ago. After the failure of the first IUI, I was so crushed I just couldn't make myself be witty. And if I had written, I might have made every reader want to break their own arm just to make them feel better.



Here is an update - We had our second IUI last Friday (8/21) and will know by September 4th whether or not it is successful. The good news for this cycle, I had 2 full size follicles. The bad news, our count was below 1 million, and they like 10million or more for successful IUI's. At this point, we decided to ask the question that we didn't want to ask. What is next?



As far as what our issues are, the next step would be IVF w/ICSI. I am responding well to the clomid, so they won't want to up me to injectables. And we will not do IVF. We don't even want to risk the possibility of producing more embryos than necessary that would be discarded or used for research. And with the cost at 20,000 roughly with the chance of success around 40-50 percent, we don't want to risk that kind of money. We would rather spend a little more and do adoption and be guaranteed a child!



So, unfortunately, we are already here. If this IUI does not work, we have one more shot at having our own. If that doesn't work we'll have to move on to a few other options. Two of which are embryo adoption and outright adoption. I don't know a lot about embryo adoption, but it sounds promising. It is a lot more affordable that IVF, but more expensive that IUIs. But you adopt an embryo from another IVF cycle and actually give birth to your own adopted child. It's a very neat concept.



I hate being at this point though. I hate being so close to the end of having our own child. I hate being only 2 months away from knowing they'll never have his eyes and my mouth. I know it's just another step in this grieving process, but we keep grieving more and more new losses, our limit has to be close.

Testing Video, 1-2-3...

Oh well

July 12, Cycle Day 1

Nervousness Begins

Randy and I went to the doctor this morning to see if we were ready. I did an ultrasound and I think there where 2 follicles, 9.1 and 17 mm. (he didn't confirm the 9, but he measured and said they like above 6 so I was assuming it was one.) I then got my shot to induce ovulation and was scheduled for 8:30 on Monday morning. Also, he checked my estrogen level and it was 216, and they liked 150 and above. It all sounded good I guess, but not oustanding. I honestly was hoping for at least 3 follicles in order to maximize chances. But we'll see.

After Monday, all we can do is wait. I am trying not to be pessimistic, but I am feeling down about it all. The odds are against us I know, and I just feel so lost sometimes. Maybe I am just not wanting to get any hopes up. God is in control, but that fact really hasn't made this process any easier...

Feritility Acronyms and Better Definitions

Ok - I need some fun. Two days after my HSG, I still feel like someone has punched me in the ovaries. So it's time to try and make this process a little more entertaining. Here are some of the
commonly used acronyms on any fertility blog or forum - and I want to follow with more fun terms just to make it more interesting... :)

2WW - 2 Week Wait - 2 Women Wiggin.... that's right, I said wiggin... wiggen out! And why 2? Because me and at least one other friend will be freaking out during this 2 weeks, waiting to take a test. I can't flip out on my own! Enter Breanna...

BFN - Big Fat Negative - Better Find Napkins, because the next week will most likely be spent in bed in tears wiping my nose on anything disposable... watch out Flip.

BFP - Big Fat Positive - Broke for Parenthood! This is the bumper sticker I will put on my car if we ever get pregnant. Most people go broke after they become parents, but some of the lucky few get start beforehand!

AWOL - A Woman on Lupron - I'm gonna have to use the military term - Absent Without (Official) Leave. This is the point where horomone pills have reached a maximum and the husband will dissapear for hours and not answer his phone! Apparently women with extra hormones can make for some extra mood swings...

More to come! These are just a few of my favorite ones :)

Some good news!

This morning I had my HSG to see if everything is ok with me. And good
news, it is all clear! It almost looked like te right was slightly
blocked, but the dye managed to push through the right tube. The
doctor said that if was slightly blocked, it could have helped flush
the system out. And of course, I think Breanna enjoyed watching the
screen. She has now used the phrase, I can totally see your fallopian
tubes... :). What else are friends for? So now I just have to wait
until Saturday!!