Nervousness Begins

Randy and I went to the doctor this morning to see if we were ready. I did an ultrasound and I think there where 2 follicles, 9.1 and 17 mm. (he didn't confirm the 9, but he measured and said they like above 6 so I was assuming it was one.) I then got my shot to induce ovulation and was scheduled for 8:30 on Monday morning. Also, he checked my estrogen level and it was 216, and they liked 150 and above. It all sounded good I guess, but not oustanding. I honestly was hoping for at least 3 follicles in order to maximize chances. But we'll see.

After Monday, all we can do is wait. I am trying not to be pessimistic, but I am feeling down about it all. The odds are against us I know, and I just feel so lost sometimes. Maybe I am just not wanting to get any hopes up. God is in control, but that fact really hasn't made this process any easier...

Feritility Acronyms and Better Definitions

Ok - I need some fun. Two days after my HSG, I still feel like someone has punched me in the ovaries. So it's time to try and make this process a little more entertaining. Here are some of the
commonly used acronyms on any fertility blog or forum - and I want to follow with more fun terms just to make it more interesting... :)

2WW - 2 Week Wait - 2 Women Wiggin.... that's right, I said wiggin... wiggen out! And why 2? Because me and at least one other friend will be freaking out during this 2 weeks, waiting to take a test. I can't flip out on my own! Enter Breanna...

BFN - Big Fat Negative - Better Find Napkins, because the next week will most likely be spent in bed in tears wiping my nose on anything disposable... watch out Flip.

BFP - Big Fat Positive - Broke for Parenthood! This is the bumper sticker I will put on my car if we ever get pregnant. Most people go broke after they become parents, but some of the lucky few get start beforehand!

AWOL - A Woman on Lupron - I'm gonna have to use the military term - Absent Without (Official) Leave. This is the point where horomone pills have reached a maximum and the husband will dissapear for hours and not answer his phone! Apparently women with extra hormones can make for some extra mood swings...

More to come! These are just a few of my favorite ones :)

Some good news!

This morning I had my HSG to see if everything is ok with me. And good
news, it is all clear! It almost looked like te right was slightly
blocked, but the dye managed to push through the right tube. The
doctor said that if was slightly blocked, it could have helped flush
the system out. And of course, I think Breanna enjoyed watching the
screen. She has now used the phrase, I can totally see your fallopian
tubes... :). What else are friends for? So now I just have to wait
until Saturday!!

Beach balls and Strawberries...

Ok girls, (guys turn away) have you ever wondered what was worse than PMS? The bloating, fatigue, back pain - and of course the mood swings that other people claim I have. Personally, I think it is completely normal to cry if you drop a strawberry. Well now, that I have been Clomid - I get to experience this 2 times a month. Clomid works by blocking some receptors in my brain that detect estrogen. Therefore, my body produces more estrogen and ohter horomones. I have been a hot flashing beach ball with lower back pain all weekend. (luckily I managed to hold on to all strawberries.) So let's pray and hope that I won't have to move up a level to stronger medication, because I'd rather not be forced to sleep on the couch each night because Randy might lock me out of the bedroom. :) Ah, the romance of fertility treatments...

First IUI Attempt Begins...

Well, cycle day one was Monday, 6/15! You know, growing up, the thought that I would track a cycle so ferociously that I make my "Cycle day" number bigger than the actual date on the calendar - never occured to me. So not fun. However, the analytical side of me is rejoicing at my paper clipped, stapled and organized Fertility file... sigh

Ok, back to the update. I had my first appointment today with the RE (Reproductive Endocronologist) and I had an ultrasound to check to see if my ovaries were forming correctly. Well all I saw of course were 2 black spots, but apparently that was a good thing! They were my maturing eggs. So after this, the nurse gave me a schedule and lots of prescriptions. I am doing my HSG next Tuesday to make sure my inner workings all look ok. And I'll start Clomid this Thursday, followed by antibiotics, followed by another ultrasound and a "trigger shot" Saturday, 6/27. We will actually have the IUI Monday morning, 6/29. Then, from all I have read online, is the horrible 2WW. What does this mean? (Online fertility blogs have about a thousand acronyms, and one day I'll write out what they are and make up funnier names for them just for the fun of it) It is the 2 week wait... either for no period and a positive pregnancy test, or greiving and starting all over.

I keep hoping we'll be lucky, and it will work on our first try. Odds are of course against my wishful guessing, but God has done so many other things for us we never know. If I'm really gonna go out on a limb on my wishful guessing, we'd have twins on our first shot and kill those 2 birds with this expensive stone! We just have to keep praying, and not get discouraged when it is so easy to. We have to remember that we have people who love us, and that placing myself in a shell so that I can lock the world out is not the right thing to do... well, I have to remember, not Randy.

I try and remember 2 Corinthians 12:9 - 'But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.'

We all want people to think we have it all together, that we are strong. But no one does. God created us for fellowship - to love each other with His love, to help each other strengthen our own walks.

Our New Journey...

Ok, where do I start... Randy and I have been trying for a year to get pregnant with no success. I went to visit my OBGYN to do preliminary tests, just to rule out any issues. We had some tests come back that were bad enough to refer us directly to Dr. Webster, a Reproductive Endocronologist. WHAT?! How did WE get here? Of all the people I know, no one seems to want to be a mom as badly as I do. This past year of trying with no success has been so hard, but I always assumed it was something simple. No one ever thinks they'll be sitting in that conference room, waiting on a specialist to come in and speak with you. It's not a feeling I wish on anyone. My last blog was about our new battle, and this seems to be it. The likelihood of getting pregnant on our own is less than 1%, so the dream of taking that test and getting a positive sign has gone away. Our new trial is here - finding out where to go next and what God wants in our life.

Right now, here is our next step in the journey. The good news, is he is slightly optimisitic. We aren't completely out of hope, and he thinks an IUI should be successful. I have to have an HSG, in order to deteremine that everything is alright on my end. Following a good outcome of this test, they will do an IUI (Intrauterine Insemination.) It will involve Chlomide and a series of shots and a "concentrating" of Randy's, well, product followed by a pretty exact timing of insemination directly into the cervix. Just kinda takes the romance of out of it, doesn't it? It is only a 20-30% chance, but the doctor is hopeful, and it's WAY cheaper than IVF. Also, it's a natural fertilization, so Randy and I are ok with that. (We still have major reservations regarding IVF and Christianity.)

So, good news - If we do this next cycle and it's a success, we could be pregnant by the end of June.

Bad news - A minimum costs of about 1500, so it's not going to be cheap. And the success rate is not as high as IVF.

Pray for us. Pray that Christ will give us peace during this trying time. Pray that we can seek His guidance, and know to follow it where He wants us to go. We know more than most people that He has our plan already, we just have to seek it... and of course fight discouragement when it isn't what we think it should be.

Spoke too soon?

It's amazing at how quickly life can change. Not a few days after our last blog - on overcoming enormous mountains through Christ - we've actually hit a larger mountain. Ironic, isn't it? Less than a week after our graduation celebration, we seem to have been plunged into a much deeper, much more painful hole. I don't want to give any details yet until more confirmation, I just want those who see this to pray for us. We will be needing it in the near future. I just want to post a song helps give us strength when we so desperately need it.

I was sure by now,God,
that You would have reached down

and wiped our tears away,

stepped in and saved the day.

But once again, I say amen

and it's still raining

as the thunder rolls

I barely hear You whisper through the rain,

"I'm with you"and as Your mercy falls

I raise my hands and praise the God who gives

and takes away.

And I'll praise you in this storm

and I will lift my hands

for You are who You are

no matter where I am

and every tear I've cried

You hold in your hand

You never left my side

and though my heart is torn

I will praise You in this storm

I remember when

I stumbled in the wind

You heard my cry to You

and raised me up again

my strength is almost gone

how can I carry on

if I can't find You

and as the thunder rolls

I barely hear You whisper through the rain

"I'm with you"

and as Your mercy falls

I raise my hands and praise the God who gives

and takes away

I lift my eyes onto the hills

where does my help come from?

My help comes from the Lord,

the maker of heaven and earth

I lift my eyes onto the hills

where does my help come from?

My help comes from the Lord,

the maker of heaven and earth

God Bless...